


The Girl With Black Eyeliner

by Venus_Vinifera



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Dysphoria, Everything post winter soldier didn't happen on account of I said so., I wrote this after far to many red wines so excuse the wangst, Misgendering, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Sad Trans Girl Bucky Feels, Trans Bucky Barnes, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7857337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venus_Vinifera/pseuds/Venus_Vinifera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is sent off on vacation and makes un unexpected discovery...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Girl With Black Eyeliner

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this ages ago but never posted it.
> 
> basically sticking all my trans girl feels on to bucky and also lusting after captain america.
> 
> Forgive me this drivel. Might rewrite it one day. Probably not though...

The shuffling stream of people that wound its way back and forth along the sidewalk of sunset boulevard split around the towering form of the man with blonde hair. Steve Rogers, more famously known as Captain America, cut an imposing figure, his artificially enhanced athleticism making him a shining beacon in the endless crowds. He had needed this holiday for a long time, according to his close friend Natasha, though he had strongly disagreed. “I need to keep looking for him” Steve had protested. “It’s been two years Steve, he could be anywhere by now, and besides, if you don’t go voluntarily, I’m sure I can arrange to have you shipped to the London Museum’s antiquities collection. You need to unwind.”. So now here he was, sweltering under the LA sun, making his way back to the waiting car, and then on to Tony’s garish monstrosity of a rebuilt mansion. Suddenly, he noticed a strikingly beautiful woman across the street, her raven hair cascading gracefully to her lower back. Her piercing blue-grey eyes, ringed tightly with black eyeliner locked with his. The colour immediately drained from her complexion, trembles racing across her body as her mouth silently formed his name. Before even he could react, the mysterious woman turned and sprinted with incredible dexterity through the crowd. The last thing Steve saw as she disappeared from sight was the glint of light off her metallic left arm…

As soon as she had closed the lock, Rebecca pressed her self against the door of her small, downtown apartment. No, not him, not here, she thought, still shaking as the tears flowed down her pale cheeks. Could he have found out? How? She had been so careful, burning through ever last one of her Hydra contacts. I had to have been a coincidence. Why was he even here, he should have been back home, on the other side of the country. She collapsed to the ground as the thoughts of home and the life she had once lived came flooding back to her.

The boy was about her age, all skin and bones, and a good foot shorted that the kid he was squaring up with. “you need to mind your manners” the scrawny one shouted. “Oh Yeah, you gonna make me, pipsqueak?” The brutish older boy began to wind up for a swing. Her legs rushed into action before she even had time to think. The crunch of her knuckles on the larger boys nose shot through her arm, but she would not relent, wailing away at the thug with all her might. The large boy turned and ran off, shouting back at the two of them “You’ll get what’s coming to you next time rogers, you’re just lucky your boyfriend was here to save you!”

She extended her hand down to the sickly looking kid “You all right there” “yeah, he only got one in on me, I could’ve still taken him” “you’re welcome” she intoned back sarcastically. The boy pulled himself to his feet, dusting off dirt and grime from his face, only to reveal more filth. “The names Steve, Steve Rogers” he chimed, “you?” “My names Ja…, Bucky, just call me Bucky” she replied, she had always hated the name her parents had given her, it had never fit her, but her parents were always so pleased to introduce her as ‘their son, James’ “pleased to meet’cha Buck” “James, dinner is ready” Her mother’s voice floated down from the open window of their apartment. “Coming” she shouted back “sorry gotta go” she turned to dash home, then stopped “Want to hang out some time?” she enquired. “Sure, looking forward to it”. She dashed inside, hoping he hadn’t seen her blushing. No, she had to pull herself together, there was no chance anyway, all he could have seen was just another boy. That night, she cried into her pillow, wishing that her feelings would go away, and that she could just be a normal boy.

That’s how it had been for the rest of their childhood, and even into adulthood, her playing the tough older brother, trying to shield her Steve from all the hurt and anguish she felt inside. When he’d picked fights with bullies, she’d be there to save rescue him, and when people teased him about his skinny physique or his love of art, she would nurture ego, wishing that at the very least he could be true to himself. Despite her desperate prayers and pleas, her feelings only grew, the childish infatuation growing into love, and her pangs of self hatred increasing as her body became more and more hard and masculine. I have to be strong for Steve, the mantra she repeated so often in her mind. He will never see me as anything but a friend, I can’t force my sadness on him. When war broke out in Europe, she knew this would be it, she would go lay down her life so her precious Steve could be safe. When Steve’s own application was rejected, she wept tears of joy, mixed with tears of grief “At least he will be safe, even if i never see him again.”

She remember how she’d been laid out on an operating table and experimented on, wishing with all her heart to die, when suddenly he’d appeared through the debris, her darling Steve, no longer the skinny boy she’d known, but a man in his own right, all muscles and bravado, and that familiar cheeky smile. Her mind had reeled at the though of her Steve being a hero, the man who all the ladies wanted. Steve had proudly introduced her to Peggy, the girl he loved, and it had killed her inside every time he’d mention her name. She’d tried to be brave, but it was too much, and eventually she’d made up her mind, and made the ultimate sacrifice, giving her life to save his. She’d closed her eyes before his face could fade from view, savouring her finally glimpse of her sweet prince, who could take care of himself. She smiled as the cold seeped into her bones.

Everything after was a blur. shouted words in foreign languages, blood and pain, cold winds and gun powder. She hadn’t been able to remember who she was, or who he’d been, she had done as she was told, and become who they wanted her to be. She stopped trimming her hair short, not remembering why the short hair her superiors had wanted made her skin crawl. Thin delicate eyeblack that she’d applied to improve her vision made her weep, smearing downwards across her cheeks, and she couldn’t understand why. Her metallic arm with its bulk had made her cringe. Then it happened again. A routine mission, and a face that still lingered in her memories. Then darkness, then once again that face, always returning like some vengeful spectre, he’d said her names was James Buchanan Barnes, she hated that name, he said he’d be with her ’til the end of the line. She’d pulled him from the water. Fleeing as decades worth of conflicting fractured memories swirled like a raging vortex in her head. Weeks later she’d found the courage to seek the answers, and as she walked to crowded halls of the smithsonian, the faces of the lie she’d built reflected back at her. If you’d have asked around some of the customers their, very view would have noticed the little invisible girl, crying behind the eyes of a grown man, in the middle of the museum floor.

After that she had done everything possible to create her new life, using Hydra backdoors to create her new documents, acquire the hormones she needed, and erase all ties between herself and the winter soldier. The hormones and the serum in her blood seemed to interact well, and within the year any trace of the person she had pretended to be was gone, save her bionic arm, rebuilt now to match her svelte athletic appearance. She had moved across the country starting a new life as Rebecca Winter, who lived in her modest apartment, and got by on the income from her modest job at a small cafe. And who still cried herself to sleep every night, dreaming of the boy she’d left behind in Brooklyn.

Four days later, her heart near stopped as she head the knock at the door. “Open up!” the smooth New York accent pierced through the heavy wooden door. “Come on, I know you’re there”. she remained silent, trying to suppress her breathing like she did when shooting, wishing that this would all end. “Please buc… Please, I need to see you.” Shaking, she took slow aching steps towards the door, her head swimming, her heart beating in her ears like a deafening thunder. Her trembling hands unlatched the door, and gentle opened the door a scant inch. His face came into view, as handsome and charming as the day they’d met, a look of bewilderment etched across his gentle features. Her vision spun, and she dropped to her knees in the entryway, black tears streaming down her face.

Steve stood in the hall, mouth agape, watching the beautiful woman before him sobbing on the floor in front of him. The black smears that had once seemed to sinister to him stirred memories long buried. This couldn’t be the right apartment. How could this fragile girl be the man he’d looked up to all his life, his strong protector. Maybe this was the wrong apartment. But no, who else could it be, all the evidence was there, the metal arm, and those blue eyes that felt like home. “Steve, I-I’m so-sorry.” she sobbed “Just go…”. She flinched as his shadow fell across her face, felt his muscular arms close around her shoulders. “Bucky, it’s okay, its me” “please don’t” she tensed in his arms “please don’t call me that name” “Where were you” he pleaded, “I tried to find you for so long” “I couldn’t… let you see me” she sobbed “I didn’t want you to hate me” “When…” “Always Steve… as long as i’ve known you this has been me. I’m so sorry” “Shhh…” his strong hands pulled tighter around her. “It’s okay, I found you” “You don’t understand, it’s not okay, I love you” the words fell from her mouth and time seemed to grind to a stop. The beating of her heart in the silence filled the room, like a suffocating haze, her breathing, before so fast, had all but ceased. “You love me?” she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. “Please, just go, I’m sorry, i’m so, so sorry” she waited for him to leave the room, her body aching with exhaustion. “No.” Steve’s voice cut the silence, more forceful than she remembered “I just found you, I’m not leaving” “look at me Steve, I feel so pathetic, I couldn’t be there for you. I failed you.” she pleaded, her eyes meeting with his. “Maybe it’s time for me to be there for you” “Steve?” she couldn’t believe her own ears. “You always took care of me growing up, I think it’s time i repaid that.” “You don’t have to” “I want to…”

She sat in the booth of the retro diner, the cup of coffee feeling heavy in her hands, as she looked across the booth at her Brooklyn boy. Of course he had to choose this place, Steve was always such a sap. He grinned at her, as if he knew what she was thinking. She blushed and glanced away. When had he gotten so confident. “So, tell me about yourself.” He said, with that warm caring voice he’d once only used in private. Her throat felt tight as she tried to speak “I’ve always been Rebecca” she started “Ever since I can remember that’s who I’ve been.” “Why didn’t you say anything?” he inquired. “Who could I tell, it was the 1930’s Steve, I didn’t even know their was a word for how I felt. And I didn’t want to lose you, I didn’t want you to think less of me.” Her lip trembled. “I could never think less of you, you were my best friend, If I only knew…” “But you couldn’t know, Steve, I had to protect you, I didn’t want you to know how I felt, I needed to be strong for you…” His hand grasping hers cut her off. “All I need is to know you are happy, just tell me that, and that’s all I’ll ever need.” “Steve” “Please tell me…” his voice was tinged with desperation. “I can’t Steve, I thought I was happy, I really did, I like my job, and my place, but I miss home, I miss you!” “Come home then” “I can’t, you don’t understand, things can’t go back to the way they were, and you could never be happy with a girl like me, I’m a sideshow freak, Steve!” “You’re beautiful” She stopped, stunned, as his words wash over her. Beautiful? her? how could he even bear the sight of her. “Don’t say things you don’t mean” she said “I mean it, the moment I saw you i couldn’t believe my eyes, I didn’t know what is was about you, but something about you felt like… home.” She looked down at her coffee, her watery tears clouding her view of her reflection. His fingers brushed her chin, bringing her eyes back to his. “Hey, why don’t we get some air” he suggested. She meekly nodded. Steve left a small pile of money of the table and walked her to the door.

The two figures wove their way through the city streets, looking to all the world like an ordinary, though exceptionally beautiful couple. She clung to his arm as though it were a life preserver, desperately needing to feel his warmth against her skin. He lead her into a small parking lot off the main drag, fishing through his pockets for the keys to his motorbike “Care to go for a ride” he intoned, his face splitting into that same smile she had know so well. “I don’t have a helmet” “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” She climbed on behind him, holding him closely and drinking in his strong scent. With practiced precision, Steve kicked the bike into gear, pealing out into the streets. After dodging through the traffic for what seemed like forever, Steve turned off onto Route 1, the cool, twilight air flowing over the two of them. After some time the turned off the main road, coming to a standstill before a lavish mansion overlooking the seaside.

As they clambered off the bike together, Steve turned and took her hand in his, half pulling her up to the front door and into the house. He whisked her onto the spacious deck, with its sweeping views of the pacific. “What do you think?” He inquired earnestly. “It’s beautiful, Steve” “It’s better with you here” “Don’t…” “Don’t what? It’s the truth” Steve shot back. He moved behind her, his powerful arms wrapping around hers, ignoring the cold, lifeless steel of her left arm. “Steve I…” he spun her towards him, silencing her with a kiss. They stood there, rapt in their embrace, for what felt like a lifetime, as the orange rays of the fading sun sank from view. Wordlessly he led her back inside, bringing her to the white leather couch. In the sweet silence he began to undress her, peeling down the zipper of her black dress, and unclasping her lace bra. He began to reach down to her delicate underwear.

Her hand met his. “Steve, you don’t, I still…” His other hand moved to her cheek “I don’t care, I think i love you” She melted under his caress…

Steve gazed with lust as he slowly slid the lacy panties down his best friends body, watching as her nakedness was revealed before him. He hadn’t know what to expect, and nothing could prepare him for how delicate every part of her body was. Even the offending member, that had clearly bought her so much pain and sorrow, was somehow dainty and feminine. He locked eyes with her, brushing a solitary tear from her cheek, before kissing her once more on her soft crimson lips. “You are so beautiful” he whispered. “Please…” She begged, and her precious boy obliged. Steve’s fingers brushed along her lips, her tongue slowly painting it with her saliva. His mouth soon joined hers, and, when his fingers were absolutely dripping and slick, he brought it down between them, smearing the viscous liquid liquid over his own member and her entrance. He slowly traced her twitching rosebud with the tip of his manhood, his warm, pulsating shaft probing at her body, hunting for some passage way. He tenderly pressed himself against her quivering hole, and her aching body relented, allowing him to slowly slide into her deepest depths. She gasped aloud, as she felt the man she had longed for for decades slowly becoming more and more a part of her. “Is that okay” “God yes… you can’t know how long i’ve wanted this” Steve’s hips began to rise and fall, his engorged meat grinding against her innermost parts, driving her mad. “unnhh, yes” she bit her lip her hands reaching down to caress his firm, chiseled chest. His masculine grunts set her mind a flame. “Oh god, fuck me Steve, fuck me!” His thrusting increased, her body bouncing on his with wild abandon. “I need you inside me, please” she begged, his massive tool pounding her insides relentlessly, grinding against her in a way that drove her insane. Their pulses quickened, their heightened physiques aligning perfectly with one another, in a beautiful harmony of long suppressed emotions and raw animal lust. She felt his body stiffen, his eyes meeting hers. She pushed her self forwards, her lips colliding with his as their bodies began to spasm in orgasmic bliss. Behind her eyelids, fireworks flared, and she felt as though pure electricity was racing through every fibre of her being. She could still feel Steve, his cock pulsing within her, his masculine seed filling every part of her. She was vaguely aware of her own emissions, smaller and less viscous, smeared between her naked stomach and his. Locked in their perfect embrace, her face against his, they drifted off to sleep as moonlight steamed over them from the glass doors or the seaside retreat.

“Pop-pop, It’s me, your favourite grandson, I’ve come to visit you. Who are…?” Tony Starks mocking greeting stopped short at the sight of the skinny naked girl with the startled eyes popping up from behind his couch, squeaking, and dashing for the nearest bathroom. “Jesus, Rogers, if I’d know you’d take Romanoff’s suggestion so seriously I might have visited sooner…” “I found her Tony” “I’ll say you did buddy” “No, I found HER!” her responded. “HER who?” “Bucky, but she’s not Bucky, but she’s perfect Tony, so perfect.” “You’ve lost me buddy” “How could I have missed it, all those years and I never even realised, never stopped to look… No wonder we couldn’t find her. Ha, the man with the metal arm.” The tumblers in Tony’s head slowly clicked into place, “She’s… That girl is… that’s the winter soldier!? That’s Bucky!?” Tony furrowed his brow, then smirked wildly “And you still went for it you dog, you! I’m surprised at how progressive you are” he teased. “I think I’m in love…” “Sure you are buddy, but how about I convince F.R.I.D.A.Y. to make some breakfast and we discuss your little conquest over that.

Stark could barely glance away from the sensual minx propped at the kitchen island next to his colleague and friend. How could this beautiful woman be the same person as the most fearsome assassin known on the planet, the very same man who was responsible for his own parents deaths. Tony couldn’t fathom that these two people were the same, couldn’t bring himself to hate the girl picking gracefully at the scrambled eggs on her plate. “These are lovely” She said briefly “ All the thanks goes to F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Tony mumbled back. “I guess you’ll be heading back home soon, eh Steve?” He quipped. “Maybe not for a few days” Steve and Rebecca glanced at one another, and Tony could swear he saw a tinge of pink creep across the girls features. “I might get out of your hair then” He replied. He made a mental note to have Pepper order some new furniture.

The yellow taxi pulled up in front of the Avengers Mansion, and two figures stepped out into the streets of New York. Steve walked with the confidence only a true New Yorker could display. “Didn’t you get in a fight in that Alley” The girl on his arm teased, motioning across the road. “You know I think I did, and I seem to recall somebody coming to my rescue” “Wherever you smell trouble, you’ll find Steve Rogers” She shot back. He turned to stare deep into her eyes, bending slightly to gently caress her lips with his. “We’ll always find each other” He whispered. “You know Steve, no one knows we’re here yet, maybe we could find a quiet little spot somewhere and…” “There you are!” the voice from behind them raising the hairs on her neck, “I hear you’ve been galavanting around the west coast, breaking young girls hearts!” “Nat, it’s not like that” “Can it, Rogers don’t think Tony hasn’t told me about you partying down, I wouldn’t care so much, only every girl I’ve tried to set you up with wasn’t good enough, but the first girl you meet when you’re away from home and…” She stopped, watching the girl on her friends arm intently, the shock on her face, and bionic arm… this couldn’t be… “I found her Nat, we were looking all wrong, but I found her anyway” Regaining her composure, Natasha snapped back “YOU were supposed to be having a holiday, mister!.” She poked his chest for emphasis. The dark haired girl trembled, unable to meet her gaze “I, need to, I mean, I’m sorry, oh god, I’m so sorry, I know who you are and I remember what happened and…” “Ssshhhh… it’s all water under the bridge, you weren’t you, I know what thats like, Sis.” Natasha patted the girl on the shoulder. “Hey how about I show you to your room?” “I think we can handle ourselves, Steve interjected, winking to Rebecca as he did so. The girl blushed a deep shade of pink, before America’s hero swept her up into his arms and carried her across the threshold. So old-fashioned, Natasha thought to herself. “Where are we going, Steve?” “The Future, Becky.” She snuggled into his arms. “You kept the outfit, right?”


End file.
